Sex is a very intimate act for both genders and for many women it is a time when we feel often feel vulnerable. When we have sex there are no fancy clothes to cover up with or Spanx to hide our perceived flaws!
The most common question I get asked is: how will I be able to enjoy sex if I have body dissatisfaction issues? My answer to this is remember these 5 simple steps before your next sexual encounter...
1. Set the Mood
Lighting: If you are just starting to engage in sexual activity with someone and you have insecurities about your body...trying turning off the lights or dimming them. There's nothing sexier than candle light. For some people, feeling and exploring each others bodies in the dark is just as romantic as doing it in the light. Close your eyes: If you can't stop focusing on your perceived body flaws, stop looking. Close your eyes and feel your partner. Better yet - focus on your partner and all the beautiful parts of them. Eventually the more comfortable you feel the more brave you will become! When you are ready take a peak and then open those eyes. Watch your body do it's thing and think about how gorgeous you look doing it. It also doesn't hurt to have a partner remind you as well!
2. Forget What You Read in Magazines:
Believe it or not...if a guy wants to sleep with you chances are he's into the way you look...regardless of how you feel about yourself! Forget about pleasing your man by doing double back flips or working towards sextastic abs or getting the best orgasm ever! Stop thinking about the media period. Forget about porn. Forget about models. Forget about everyone and anything and start focusing on your partner and yourself! It's sometimes hard to accept but men love the female body in all its many shapes and sizes! If you aren't sure if he's in it for more than just sex...think twice about who you are choosing to be with. I know it's hard to believe sometimes but your guy isn't thinking about that stretch mark on your inner thigh or the size of your waist when he's about to...well...you...know.
3. Stop Your Worrying:
Stop thinking about your performance in bed and start thinking about enjoying the experience. Too many people I know get caught up in the act as if orgasm is the end game. You won't get there if you can't relax and clear your mind so stop putting so much emphasis on getting there...it will come in time. No pun intended. Both men and women stress about this part so remember you aren't alone. Men worry about not being able to last or not being able to go at all...women worry that they won't be able to or that they will take too long. Most women take longer than men to get there...and there is nothing wrong with that. Want to speed up the process? Make sure your partner helps you relax in whatever way works for you...massages, kissing...foreplay!
4. Orgasm Truth:
It is a fact that only 1/3 of women can achieve orgasm when having sex...a.k.a. orgasm from G-Spot stimulation. When in doubt clitoral stimulation is the way to go. Sometimes it just doesn't happen for women but don't let this get to your head. Sex can be satisfying and pleasurable even without an orgasm. If you need something from your partner to get you there you need to be comfortable enough to speak up! Everyone is different and believe it or not...men aren't mind readers!
5. Try again!
Being naked in front of someone can be scary at first because we feel more vulnerable this way. It sometimes takes time to build complete trust in your partner. My advice for this is to be open to hearing all the positive things your partner has to say about your body (they really mean it)! Each time you experience each other you become more comfortable...try and try again!
Try these steps to help you: Learn to Love your Average bodies (your partner already does) ;)